Past, Present, and Future Me.

I have a tiny problem. I am utterly and completely embarrassed of my old self, no matter how much more awesome I was then compared to now. Of course, there are improvements to my current self that I really do much prefer, but there has been "de-provements" too, which I hope I can get back or improve in the future.

But I disgress, this post is about my old self, but specifically, my old posts with all my nonsense topics and my nonsense lingo. Oh God, how embarrassing. The problem is that it feels like I'm not accepting of my past, even though I am. So deleting it makes it seem otherwise.

And what of future Me? Will future Me be disappointed of what I wrote? I mean, those kinds of regrets are a little petty though hahaha! 

yea, short post for a little self reflection.

Moving Forward Hurts.

So back again it seems. Well, welcome back anyway!

It hurts a little, feeling like the love lost was a love that probably never existed at all.
Yet I don't believe that.
I think that love truly was there, yet it was squandered away by two youngsters who didn't know how to make it work. Sadly...

I feel like I am moving on, sometimes. There are bouts of anger, sadness, numbness, and regret. All of which I could write a little something about, but I think it would lead me down a dark road again.
I couldn't talk about it, recently, to someone without making the atmosphere depressing. Sadly, it was depressing and I wish it didn't have to turn out that way.

He's moved on, and honestly, I couldn't care less. It's his life (one that we had planned to share, but looked how it turned out... haha), and I am no one to manage it or advise him to make certain choices (even though they're the right choices). The fact that he uses the same moves he used on me a long time ago, on her, is sort of sad. He doesn't have many moves to actually land a girl, ie messaging constantly, telling them that they have a future planned with him, asking them whether they're willing to have his children, exchanging hoodies (that reminds me, did I lose my LP hoodie to him, oh god...). Whatever.

I want to move forward. I'm just not sure how. I don't want to go out and date one person, go steady, and have a serious relationship like the one he's having now. (BTW, he said he didn't want to do that and just go on dates, yet there he is having a serious relationship with someone else right after me. Fantastic.) I want to go out and meet people. There seriously can't be no one in Singapore for me, that would confirm that my life does not belong here, and I really need to honestly start planning a move out of here. I want to date and have fun. I'm only 21.

...

Darn, I'm only 21... While typing this, I was actually planning to write about how I wanted to start a Tinder adventure like most (hopefully) single people are doing to find love, or a good friend. That isn't me. I'm not one to put myself out there and make conversations with random strangers (sadly not with good friends too), because I am utterly socially awkward. Darn, I even downloaded the app on my phone. Gosh, how desperate. It also occurred to me how scary it would be. Awkward first date jitters and all.

My life is still way ahead of me, and there are bigger fish to fry than the potential long term single-dom I may be heading towards. HAHA! No problem. Live life vicariously. You're still way too young!

I definitely don't need to get a boyfriend yet. Seriously, girl. What are you thinking?