STOP IT

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?
why am i so depressed?
my heart has a glitch :/
it hasnt been working right for a few days
i think abt 3/4 days..

im not purposely feeling down
why should i?
i'll be troubling people,
esp since i cant explain my problem.
i never was able to explain my problem coz i never had to
coz no one asked and no one would listen

i feel so cut off from the other people
other people who can tell other people their problems
and be done with it :/

i've been listening to Fight Inside by RED alot today.
somehow i feel that way?
i feel like i might end up alone again
but i never wanna be alone
EVER AGAIN :(
so now what?
how am i going to fix my heart when i duno what started in it the first place?

i know i just started feeling grumpy
thats all i know
but i duno what made me start feeling that way in the first place...

if i wanted to make many posts for how i feel today i could.
and it'll be the same thing over and over again.
but i still wouldnt know what the underlying problem is.
so i duno how i can fix it...

he cant fix it, coz i duno how he can help
im selfish to him.
when i feel down, i decide to lock up my heart and i keep quiet.
he doesnt like that i stay quiet for a long time,
coz what he wants from me
is the entire opposite of who i made myself to be;
quiet, reserved, fake, sad, maybe somehow broken.

he wants me to change the mask i built so well to protect my truly fragile heart
IM AFRAID.
i built it too well maybe and my heart doesnt wanna be vulnerable
it's scary; the world out there and the people in it..
i built it too well, my fragile heart has grown attached to it.
i need to break it down so he wont go.
NEED.
WANT.
why is it so difficult?
i told him didnt i?
i warned him, i remember i warned him.
i warned him abt my heart.
i havent been able to stop crying entirely yet
and every time its coz
i remember disappointing the only guy
who ever gave me a chance.
i realise i am not good enough yet.
im an idiot :(
he gave me a chance and im blowing it :/
I AM AN IDIOT.

school is giving me loads of headaches and i feel like im dying
the invisible pile is stacking up on me and it keeps piling
like it wont end.
even though the assignments dont really keep increasing
it does feel like it :(
i feel tired.
they're pushing everything on us
this world is getting harder to live in...

i cant stop feeling down,
even when i want to.
my heart is broken all over.
i dont understand myself..
maybe i should get to studying but im tired.
am i making a mountain out of a molehill?
i hope not, esp since i duno whats wrong...