"This Little Light Of Mine, I'm gonna let it shine" - Harry Dixon Loes

Back again to writing after 4 years.

Well, you can guess what happens, right?
Some change happened 4 years ago that made me change a small habit.
Then something changed again recently that made me go back to doing what I used to.

This used to be a place where my dark heart has a chance to flow through into words.
Words that shouldn't appear anywhere, mind, voice or on paper.
But all feelings need to be expressed.
That's why some people need psychiatrists. I don't have the funds to do that.
So here I am again, in my dark and emotional thoughts.

Like a hormonal teenage girl. Pfft..

Listening to Michael Buble's "It's A Beautiful Day" reminded me of something.
That I am a total bitch, to the person I love.
I used to feel so much that I would feel better without him. But it's not the case now, is it...

I felt that way because I was so scarred from the fact that I felt like no matter how much I loved him, I would never be enough to him; that no matter what I do, some other girl is going to be better in his eyes, and I mean nothing in it...

Words are just words; some can heal, some can hurt. Ultimately, actions show the most of what's in your heart. I guess we couldn't convey our feelings well, both through words or actions. That is our demise.

It is my demise...





Signed,
فاتين سيازواني