black.lonewolf.bats.girl

Stories

2011-11-06T01:21:00.002+08:00

I kinda wanna start writing again, mostly stories..
I know I wanna use a blog. but i dont feel okay using this one.
Coz i want my friends to see my stories but i dont want them to see my old posts.
And I definitely dont want to make a new one, i definitely dont wanna...
WAIT! i do have another blog :D yay!
Okay, i'm gonna change it :)

Fight Inside - RED

2011-05-08T15:40:00.002+08:00

Enemy, familiar friend
My beginning and my end
Knowing truth
Whispering lies, and it hurts again

What I fear
What I try
The words I say and what I hide
All the pain; I want it to end
But I want it again

And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it's raging
The fight inside is breaking me again

It's still the same
Pursuing pain
Isn't worth the light I've gained
We both know how this will end
But I do it again

And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it's raging
The fight inside is hurting me again
And it finds me
The war within me pulls me under
And without you
The fight inside is breaking me again

It's nothing
(It's everything)
It's nothing
(It's everything)
It's nothing
(It's everything)
It's nothing
It's everything!

And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it's raging
The fight inside is hurting me again
And it finds me
The war within me pulls me under
And without you
The fight inside is breaking me again

It's breaking me!
It's breaking me!

I'm falling apart!
I'm falling apart!

what does this song mean to me?
maybe i'll get back to you on that :X
but right now it's abt having lost someone
and the pain of that is the fight inside

STOP IT

2011-05-08T14:37:00.002+08:00

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?
why am i so depressed?
my heart has a glitch :/
it hasnt been working right for a few days
i think abt 3/4 days..

im not purposely feeling down
why should i?
i'll be troubling people,
esp since i cant explain my problem.
i never was able to explain my problem coz i never had to
coz no one asked and no one would listen

i feel so cut off from the other people
other people who can tell other people their problems
and be done with it :/

i've been listening to Fight Inside by RED alot today.
somehow i feel that way?
i feel like i might end up alone again
but i never wanna be alone
EVER AGAIN :(
so now what?
how am i going to fix my heart when i duno what started in it the first place?

i know i just started feeling grumpy
thats all i know
but i duno what made me start feeling that way in the first place...

if i wanted to make many posts for how i feel today i could.
and it'll be the same thing over and over again.
but i still wouldnt know what the underlying problem is.
so i duno how i can fix it...

he cant fix it, coz i duno how he can help
im selfish to him.
when i feel down, i decide to lock up my heart and i keep quiet.
he doesnt like that i stay quiet for a long time,
coz what he wants from me
is the entire opposite of who i made myself to be;
quiet, reserved, fake, sad, maybe somehow broken.

he wants me to change the mask i built so well to protect my truly fragile heart
IM AFRAID.
i built it too well maybe and my heart doesnt wanna be vulnerable
it's scary; the world out there and the people in it..
i built it too well, my fragile heart has grown attached to it.
i need to break it down so he wont go.
NEED.
WANT.
why is it so difficult?
i told him didnt i?
i warned him, i remember i warned him.
i warned him abt my heart.
i havent been able to stop crying entirely yet
and every time its coz
i remember disappointing the only guy
who ever gave me a chance.
i realise i am not good enough yet.
im an idiot :(
he gave me a chance and im blowing it :/
I AM AN IDIOT.

school is giving me loads of headaches and i feel like im dying
the invisible pile is stacking up on me and it keeps piling
like it wont end.
even though the assignments dont really keep increasing
it does feel like it :(
i feel tired.
they're pushing everything on us
this world is getting harder to live in...

i cant stop feeling down,
even when i want to.
my heart is broken all over.
i dont understand myself..
maybe i should get to studying but im tired.
am i making a mountain out of a molehill?
i hope not, esp since i duno whats wrong...

i see no light

2011-05-08T14:27:00.003+08:00

not sure why, but i've really stop being normal for a few days alr, hormonal imbalance maybe :/

i promise i have no idea whats wrong with me...

I cant always put on a smile.

And sometimes I cant even pretend to be happy anymore.

Why do you die inside, Heart?

What is causing you to crumble into pieces?

I dont understand.

I dont understand the pain you're feeling.

The pain you're feeling...

I cant always have a spring in my step.

And sometimes I just dont laugh anymore.

Why do you die inside?

Why do you hurt inside, Fragile Heart?

I dont understand.

I dont understand what you feel.

The pain that you're feeling.

How much further are you going to bring me down?

How much further can I hold on?

Holding on to whatever's left of the mask you have to see,

You cant fix me, coz I dont know how I can be fixed.

How much more farce will fit into the void that doesnt seem to want to heal?

Where is this pain coming from?

Where will this pain lead me?

I dont want it to go,

My Spirit.

There's only one salvation I can touch,

and one Salvation I can call.

I'm begging for you,

To fix me where I'm broken.

Im broken inside,

Can you reach me there?

Can you reach inside?

...

2010-10-04T17:01:00.000+08:00

...

hmm...

...

hmmmm...

...

for you, me and us

2010-09-30T02:28:00.003+08:00

you take me to the moon

you carry me higher than the stars can be

you take my breath away

your love keeps me alive

i always wanna see your smile upon your face

i love the way you hold me close

i love the way your touch is so tender

i love you and your everything

we make each other happy

we will always be happy

we are like two peas in a pod, comfortable and happy

we love each other like crazy

i need to be better for you

i need to learn new things

i need to put 'us' first

i have to be braver

i have to shower you with more love

i need to learn new things.

mine :P

2010-09-30T02:26:00.001+08:00

HE ASKED ME TO BE HIS OFFICIALLY!!

25sept2010

S T U P I D

2010-09-30T02:06:00.004+08:00

when i fought with him, i was super irrational..

somehow i didnt like being called his gf

at the time, i wasnt.

i didnt believe we were going to be any time soon

like i said, irrational.

i talked to my sis a bit

she talked sense into me

im fine after that :)

really

but it was kinda awkward after that

i couldnt talk to you normally

i was a little uncomfortable

due to my shameful behaviour

it's all better now

it is :)

this is where my heart is

2010-09-30T01:54:00.003+08:00

first date 03.07.2010

teddy 18.07.2010

he hugged and kissed my hair :) 25.07.2010

my first call to him 27.07.2010

he met dee, adek, maryam 07.08.2010

i kissed his cheek 17.08.2010

[heh, sneak attack :D ]

first kiss 22.08.2010

[for him too :$]

i was angry with him coz i was stupid :( 29.08.2010

i called him to say i love him before going to sleep 31.08.2010

you wanted to use tongue, i was a little surprised 01.09.2010

finally making out :$ 03.09.2010

my 1st attempt at love-biting :$ 17.09.2010

all-nighter at my class chalet almost alone 21.09.2010(9.36pm) - 22.09.2010(7.00am)

kissing at 2.41am 22.09.2010

all-nighter at my class chalet a few people awake 22.09.2010 - 23.09.2010

he asked me to be his girlfriend at the beach (10.45pm) 25.09.2010

my friend

2010-08-10T01:40:00.004+08:00

when he wanted to sign out of fb and the chat, he's tab had the 'im writing something' sign.

then he logged out.

i met him today with junyu coz i know i wont be super good company.

we chatted for a while, he looked at me a lot even when junyu started their convo.

he was including me, thats what i thought at first, but it was seriously a lot of times...

we went out for dinner at bedok corner.

junyu kept trying to get us to sit together -.- hahaha

i couldnt

anyway, we spent like around 5 hrs together the three of us.

i havent seen him for more than 3 years...

i wrote smth like i know too many rich people, not directed at him

but i seriously think he is...

anyway, he commented saying he isnt.

the fb convo he started first, wondering if i was in a relationship

i said no, coz it's true. i was playing around with my best friend

ok, i guess since he is a good friend of mine,

he could be concerned about it coz i think he knows i never had one...

it's still weird though, i think..

i doubt thinking about this is considered cheating on muhaimin :P

anyway, yea. there's an awesome cute guy from TP who likes me

for real. hahaha OMG right?

i still cant believe it's been more than a month since we met

and things are going well...

things are going well.

very well :)

iloveyoumuhaimin (:

the unpleasant happy feeling

2010-05-04T22:01:00.004+08:00

you cant help loving someone

even if he hurts you emotionally

you feel happy coz you're in love

you feel hurt that you're in love

whatever right,

the pain's worth it

or going to be at least

thats why i cant leave

i wont leave

im hoping you'll want me one day too

i wish we could stay by each others' side

i wish you would look in my eyes and love me

i wish you would say you love me

but the pain doesnt hurt

the pain means

im not going to forget you anytime soon

the pain means im happy

im happy im in pain

the pain is an unpleasant happy feeling

TP Wk 0 Day 1 Orientation

2010-04-12T21:38:00.005+08:00

it was great, mostly

my classmates and most of the biotech people quite dead

i do want to be all crazy enthu but if i do it alone, like gundu :/

[so fake right? hahaha like anyone will believe you, you gundu]

but there is only one guy from the orientation i find good-looking and nice

heehee :D

A10F4 thats my new class

learnt new cheers [which are very malay-ish :/]

i really should be more enthu no matter what people may think :/

shit

i think i've made up my mind now :)

2010-04-08T01:04:00.002+08:00

i do love him.

i really really really like him alot

i love you ______

it has a nice ring to it,

dont you think so :)

hmmm...

im happy right now,

just thinking about him

im not confused or anything

if i do

i should remember that i shouldnt be

and that i do like him a lot

it's stupid to give up now

i want to spend more time with him

i want to see him more

make sure this happy feeling doesnt disappear

make sure this happy feeling is all i should feel

i want to sit by him

and hold him

and hug him

rest my head on his shoulder

have him hold my hand

lol i sound pathetically in love

a little gross if i do say so myself

hahaha

again please

2010-03-22T22:56:00.002+08:00

after dinner yesterday, i went out with a few colleagues

i wore clothes my sis would usually wear

and my SRSLY high heels

we went to clark quay

and there was a bridge with stairs

going up was easy

going down was going to be hard coz it was freaking steep

i tried looking for a ramp so i can walk down myself

but there wasnt one

he offered to help me down :D

he held me hand [heeeeeee!!!]

[...again please...]

i left arnd 11++ reached home like 12+

#1 angry i went home late not coz of work

tsk guys...

2010-03-22T02:05:00.005+08:00

i dont know about #1
i dont know how much i like him :/
i dont know if he likes me that way [i highly doubt it]

i went to dinner with work people today
then after that a few of us hung out at clark quay
:)
so since i was in town, and #1 is usually out when we text so i said,

me: Are you at home?
#1: Nope..why? I'm at my friend's house watching soccer..
me: Oh hahaha. Man u vs liverpool
#1: Yupps ! Haha..

me: You supporting which one?
#1: Man U laa..haha..

me: Hahaha. Who winning?
#1: Draw..haha..

me: Haha. Man u will win? Hahaha
#1: Obviously ! haha..

me: Hahaha. I didnt know today got soccer until i reach clark quay :D
#1: What are you doing there ?

me: Hanging out with people frm work :)
#1: Aiyah..tk tau nk balik ?!

me: Hahahahaha XD gto guys also ape...
#1: So ?

me: The people with me are nice. First time only :(

me: Tak suke ke? Marah ehk? Sorry, i try not to do again :(
#1: Nolah..haha..i celebrating jap..Man U just score..

me: Hahaha. Enjoy the game :) Text you next time
#1: Oh..okay jgn balik lambat2 tau !

me: Hahaha okok
#1: Haha..gdnyte[:

me: Good night

me: Just so you know. Im on my way home alr :) now kat ct hall inter, then my mum fetching
#1: Oh..okay..and i gt no rights to scold u just now..sorry ):

me: Hahaha takpe, you are a concerned friend :) So what are you doing now?
#1: Eating and watching tv..you ?

me: Haha. Watch ape? Reaching home
#1: Sports highlight..haha..

me: Hahaha tu pon nak tengok. Hahaha
#1: Dh smpai rumah ?

me: Yup. My mum fetch from pasir ris mrt
#1: O.o..how come u cn go out so late ?

me: Umm coz i dont go out a lot. Im at home always, balik pon always b4 10
#1: And skrg what time ?

me: Haha First time only. B4 that there was dinner with supervisor and other people. Then we separate arnd 9. I was with alot of people, we only go tcc then my mum fetch
#1: O.o.. i see i see..anyway, my phone batt dh nk flat and i forget bring my charger..haha..msg u next time..gdnyte[:

i dont know why he's like that. why was he mad when i was in town?

he's there a lot... and i told him i was with a lot of people including guys

To choose between two good things, make a list which has to be vague so only you and certain people know

2010-03-14T08:41:00.003+08:00

i dont know if i would like comments :s. oklah, but dont say anything dumb. this is supposed to be private but i want certain people to see it... [i wanted to post on fb :s]

#1 texts a lot, #2 not so much but has good reason maybe[?]

i can hang out with #2, i havent met up with #1 since 11 yrs; just saw #1 and said hi from afar.

still not used to people yet...

im convinced about one but the other is proly just my friend

but i like 'em both :}

im always confused about one, and quite sure of the other

it's not a good idea giving your heart to one to get over somebody,

im sure it wont help in the long run :s

i feel very happy when i get texts or calls, #1 sounded funny :}

i would say we're friends, me and #1, me and #2[?]

i know nothing's guna happen with #1, but that's what i think

i always feel blown off with #2 :{ it's coz of the texts, i understand but still...

me and #1 have a lot of similarities[?]

i dont know #2 enough to say much,

but we do have a few

plus for some reason i like soccer, so i'll have that in common with most eyh, haha

i think most people know i like being protected :) [side note on myself] this is mostly what i can gather for now :)

My Dear Cancer

2010-02-18T13:55:00.004+08:00

urgh, guys are hard to see thru.

i dont wanna be delusional,

and jump into things to fast.

And hey, maybe im wrong...

ergh, i wish i know

then it'll be easier for me

coz I dont have to wonder or imagine.

But hey, maybe im wrong...

if im wrong

then im the only one in it.

then it means im delusional.

possibly im delusional...

i dont want things to be awkward

i dont want to feel stupid

i dont want to feel like a loser

nobody does

i dont know what to do

i wanna be near you more

i wanna hold you close

i dont wanna have to let you go

i wanna know how you feel

but love is for the lucky and brave

love is especially for the brave

im not brave, i cant say it first

i wont say it first

you know i hate rejection

guys can get over it

everyone else probably can get over it

i know sooo well that i mull over things

even after sooo long it being over

i wish you would say it first :]

i would be happy if you said it first

hello again :}

2010-02-18T13:54:00.000+08:00

haha, i haven't been here since last year

really really...

2009-09-21T11:39:00.002+08:00

im really really tired

im really really scared

i know im not going to do well

i may even have to retake

i really really dont know what to do.

i can study, but i cant do it alone.

my friends are not always free for me

i feel so doomed

Chapter 146

2009-09-21T10:52:00.003+08:00

At least the next chapter will be out in a couple of weeks.

sho stole a kiss from kyoko. he's really an idiot.

how could he do that? it was her FIRST kiss

even if it wasn't, it's not right.

this one will be short coz this one was not very commentable

coz the scene is self-explanatory.

sho stole a kiss coz he knows, for kyoko, that it'll be unforgettable

and his existence will be greater than ren's[especially] or reino's

[personally, i think reino can make kyoko think of him more

efficiently than sho, coz he's got 'powers']

the last bit where ren laughed from his nose, is anti-climatic

doesnt he understand? the lady with the black hair already explained it.

"for a girl, the first kiss is very important" [i agree very strongly]

does ren seriously think that his old methods of cheering kyoko up

will work this time? he did this way of perking her back up is to

be mean, and straightforward.

how could he think that this time it will work? his eyes were dark

like he was hurt, he should be since that was her first kiss.

he could have got it when they were doing the on-location bit.

haha. for this scene i really think, serves ren right if he was hurt.

but we'll just wait for the next episode right?

Chapter 145

2009-08-30T23:02:00.001+08:00

OMG!!! i dont really want to discuss the first few bits.
i think they're quite self-explanatory.
frankly, shou is an idiot and
ren is a pitiful character.
but ren looked so relieved the chocs werent for shou,
i totally understood.
coz he knows he doesnt see reino as a rival,
but shou is and that's why he's so angry.
i dont think he'll be angry abt it anymore
thank goodness

what he suddenly said to kyoko aft she explain everything,
was quite a shock. i didnt think hee'd say that.
then he got all jealous coz he thought kyoko gave ren chocs.
haha
his face was like "i dont want to lose to ren. i must have her first!"
heehee.
then he grab her shirt and took her off guard,
i guess you could say he took advantage of her.
I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!

chap 144

2009-08-18T16:57:00.000+08:00

well, it came at last... had to wait so long just for one chap to b released
but i finished reading it in like 0.5hrs. hahahaha
just a reminder read the chap first.
i dont think there are spoilers cause i blogged abt it aft i read
which also would be aft others have read first
hahha

ok. the first page we see an angry face.
it's shou's, which is quite funny as if you remember he was angry like this before.
except this time, it's seriously worse.
cant believe he loves her now.
no matter how sweet he's becoming,
i dont like him having feelings for her because he was mean to her.
he doesn't deserve her, they should just be friends.

but after the flashback with shouko,
he looked very sad i want to hug and comfort him
he's really becoming sweeter and nicer :}

ren's just getter worse and worse
cant believe he's the kind of person who doesnt face his problems
doesnt he know kyoko sees him as a very powerful being for her?
[guys, as usual. always blind{it depends really}]
but it'd make him even more angry
if he knew who the chocs were really for.
but if kyoko tells him everything,
he will understand right and protect her at all costs

the chapter seems very short. and now we already got to the last bit
shou going to kyoko and ren's set.
haha
the next chap will be awesome
he comes bringing a bouquet of flowers.
decorated how kyoko does like[princessy]
and the whole bouquet is bigger than ren's single flower
kyoko would think ren's was more magical
because of princess rosa
but the size of the bouquet might also show how much they feel abt her
or what they think the size f their existence within her is.
meaning shou's might still[and to him hopefully] be.
shou is really sweet. we need more ren and kyoko scenes.
well, i do:}

Chapter 143

2009-07-21T21:21:00.002+08:00

fine, whatever. i'll just make do with whatever nonsense this comp gives me.

anyway, i think to put some content here, i've decided to blog about
SKIP BEAT!, hahahaha
so that means you people who bother must go read it ;} the manga i mean

so, chap 143. read that first and come back.
or dont bother at all, i dont really mind :}
im like reviewing and commenting
on a page by page way.
sadly, for you to understand you have
to read the whole manga from the
beginning.
im gonna blog once on each chap
[most probably :}] and it can be in
any order depending on which chap
i read :}
[muhahaha, deen]
---------------------------------------
shou is an idiot. really. after all he's done to her,
he really has no right to feel that way anymore.
ren does, he didnt break her heart. in fact, he's really sweet. and he's such a pitiful character. he such... [wait! ren's not really in here!]

ok, so. shou, he must be blinded by hatred for reino.
but really, after what he's done to kyoko, he really cant be feeling like that.
but the good thing about shou is that he can protect kyoko from reino.
well ren can too, but shou is more 'lively'.
ren's way too scary, and he suffers in solitude. poor guy. when he's angry, it's to give a diff emote, compared to
shou when he was angry.

[im laughing way too easily these ddays, im PSYCHO!! HAHAHA]

then, the reino bit where he was rearranging his choco,
quite funy. but idk why.
the part where shou got "hilariously
misunderstood", that was freaking funny. but the conversation was a bit confusing.
the english wasn't perfect and on japs would understand if it's in their lang.

i would really love to skip to the part where reino wanted to give back the choco to kyoko,
so she could 'give them properly'.
hahaha. really, there is some logic there. it's supposed to be valentine's choco.
but she was HIGHLY cunning and freakishly hilarious. she knows just how much ren would get pissed.
but im sure she highly doesnt know why. and i think she knows reino does
not ever want to see ren again.
RRROOOOARRRR
hahaha, really.
reino's expression was priceless. hahaha. if only he really bumped into ren. with those chocs with kyoko's handwriting on them.
he's gona be so sccrewwed! hahah

problem

2009-07-21T21:05:00.001+08:00

something's wrong with my blogger...

hey.

2009-06-04T22:17:00.003+08:00

i still care about you.
why cant you see that?
why do you do this to me?
knowing that i cant forget you,
but you push me far away.

you never tell anything,
you never tell me what's going on.
i dont know what you've been thru,
because you never seem to want to talk to me.
i tried to start a conversation,
but you seem to always be busy.
i cant confirm that,
but everytime i get a reply,
you dont sound enthusiastic.
no one bit.
i really thought you'd care more than doing that to me.

seriously, how can you hate the nice guy who broke your heart.
a really, really, really nice guy.
a really nice good-looking guy.
the kind of guy most would call perfect,
if you know him not too deeply.
all i think about is the times we texted each other.
esp at night, i guess cause that's the time i think we're both free.
every night, i check my phone for msgs.
every waking minute, i think abt what might have been.
at least i haven't start dreaming about you :}
i cant remember your face, i want to.
but it'll hurt.

i hope my heart comes back
with love for you much stronger,
and not come back totally broken and replaced
for another guy to unlock.
if the latter happens, i may not be able to love you again.
i dont want that to happen.
i still want you back.
if you wait too long, it'll be bad for you and me.
esp if we're somehow made for each other.
i love you

stay close, dont go

2009-05-18T19:24:00.002+08:00

I'm staring at the glass in front of me,
Is it half empty?
Have I ruined all you've given me?
I know I've been selfish,
I know I've been foolish,
But look through that and you will see,
That I'll do better.
I know, baby I can do better.

If you leave me tonight,
I'll wake up alone,
Don't tell me I will make it on my own.
Don't leave me tonight,
This heart of stone will sink 'til it dies,
If you leave me tonight.

Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping,
I listen to your breathing,
Amazed how I somehow managed to,
Sweep you off of your feet girl,
Your perfect little feet girl,
I took for granted what you do,
But I'll do better.
I know, baby I can do better.

If you leave me tonight,
I'll wake up alone,
Don't tell me I will make it on my own.
Don't leave me tonight,
This heart of stone will sink 'til it dies,
If you leave me tonight.

And don't you know,
My heart is pumping,
Oh, it's putting up the fight.
And I've got this feeling,
That everything's alright.
Don't you see?
I'm not the only one for you,
But you're the only one for me.
If you leave me tonight,
I'll wake up alone.

If you leave me tonight,
I'll wake up alone,
Don't tell me I will make it on my own.
Don't leave me tonight,
This heart of stone will sink 'til it dies,
If you leave me tonight.
Don't leave me tonight.

i so feel this way...
well most of it anyway:}

my birthday

2009-05-18T19:02:00.002+08:00

it has been a whole month since my last post.
well, more than that but it all coz im too... bored of the internet:}
anyway. it was my birthday last saturday, 16th May.
remember deena? you still haven't wished me!!!
[it's in large so dee would remember... im heartvroken my long-time friend]
nothing happened.. seriously...
my mom's siblings came by and stayed for a really long time...
then my dad wanted to go fishing and it was getting kinda late..
we went to changi beach
i had a cake :}
i went home and sleep.
had ugama the next day, tuition and then[bumbumbumbum]
intan wanted to go out
that's pretty much what my weekend was like...
so technically, i havent really celebrated my birthday...
i dont think i want to...
coz i dont know what to do...
eelin and shermaine got me a really cool cup[thank you!!:}]
and that's the only real present i got..
i wont count money as a present..
ok.. money is one type of present and presents as another :}
so the cup is the first in the latter category:}

im not sure if i should talk abt this..

2009-05-18T18:51:00.004+08:00

my sis introduced me with a friend of hers.
[and with not so innocent intentions;}]
i knew him since 7th May 2009
he's a really nice guy
and he can seriously entertain:}
..[really quickly said]and he's not too bad..

done i dont want to continue:}

it happened again...

2009-04-11T02:13:00.003+08:00

i started writing this at 2.13:30 am

on the 11th of April...

my dad's birthday was 2 days ago..

didn't do much,

but what i gather is that intan made umm..

coffee and a nutella biscuit for a cake

at midnight...

AND!!!

i was ASLEEP for that!!

GOSH!!!!

but i wrote this for a different thing..

thus the title...

hayden, shawn hayden

is lost...

we let him out, with a collar

[so he's mine!!!]

but he didn't come back...

he was out since 6.55 pm 10th April...

and maria...

she's frantically worrying about him..

their relationship is weird,

she seems to hate him, and he always disturbs her...

7.30 pm is the time they get fish,

i guess maria realised hayden was missing

so she decided to check by actually wanting fish

and wanting it in my parents' room...

when she got closer to the plate, she checked under my parents' bed

[to see if he'd come out, to steal it or scare her]

but he didn't jump out or sneak out...

she left the room, leaving the fish TOTALLY untouched...

the door is still open..

he's not back yet...

before it was like after 10,

me, my dad, nurul, and my mom looked for him

we can't find him..

we searched around the blocks

my dad even goes all the way out to 147 to look for him...

he's still not back yet..

i'm typing this while looking for him..

first time i did something on the spot..

[guess i need this to be ??published?? Is that the word? share my pain]

maria started looking crazy around

9.30 or 10.30

i dont have much time to write

[parents out, coming home soon

so i cant explain a lot]

but bottom line she is really worried

and looking frantically

unlike me, was watching skip beat

she's angry at me..

i have no clue why, but my guesses

were probably right...

they are:

`i am irresponsible about my care of Shawn Hayden

`...

wait.. i don't remember..

i'll write them if i do :}

so i think that's all the time i have

before i get in trouble...

haiyo

2009-04-02T20:42:00.002+08:00

i need to go do homework....

he can focus, can study...

dee can focus, can study...

im getting left behind....

early morning dreaming

2009-03-28T01:55:00.004+08:00

you can say what you want you have to say
but my mind's made up anyway
all that bullshit you talk
might work a lot
but it's not gonna work today :}

i cant sleep...
have to get a multi-USB port...
just got GOW2.. not finished yet...
want to play sims deluxe...
bored out of my wits..
im at wits' end...
i dont think i know what im saying anymore.
hhahahaha...
im losing my mind :]

i've been unwell since.. ummm
tuesday..
flu then fever..
still recovering..

i want to hang out with deena later today..
[it's sat 2.07am, so i guess it's safe to say that :}]
she has to "see first"...

then amira...
she's going further and further and further and further and...
away from here...
my mother says she'd get me to tennesse...
[oooh... can i trust that.. get 15 and below, then can go...]
i really really want to go...
really really want to..
i'd be going before christmas..
probably..
wow!!
i'm really getting psyhed up about that!!
argh!
oh gosh.......
3 months there.. maybe...
all these maybes, but i want to gooo...
if anything goes wrong...
too bad for me..
and i'll dissapoint amira..
the bestest best friend/sister in the wworld..
i'd meet her american family...
[goes on talking about what could happen if go there]
hehehe..
..
...
....
hahaha..
haiz..
holiday..
i need that..
i miss amira...
haiya!!
i want to go!!!
closer to johnny pacar:}
hehehe

im losing the feeling..

2009-03-26T22:03:00.004+08:00

really gotta get new friends...

that means go to a new school..

no point in tms anymore...

hmmm..

there's a problem... [my new phrase :}]

whata do? whata do???

hahahaha...

my friends are spreading apart..

hope it will work out..

stuck in my phase..

stress-close-to-losing-it phase...

sooo frigging tired...

i just i got sick coz of stress..

so sad...

school began.. but that's nt on my mind :}

2009-03-26T21:26:00.005+08:00

i want batman...

i want batman :]

i want money...

i want an island :}hehehe

i want more money...

i want hot matsaleh :] [where to find??? *look*look hahaha]

then...

i dont know anymore...

HAHAHAHAHA...

[but i seriously want them.. give as birthday preent okay???]

sorry.for.not.been.checking.in..

have.been.real.busy.blogging.not.on.my.mind.:]

sorry.to.those.who.have.been.expecting.my.response:}

[my p.s.ses would be spaced with ".", just fyi, kays:}]

bitch

2008-12-23T16:23:00.006+08:00

i dont know what to do

with that girl...

i hate her so much!

she has no respect for anyone

and i'm sick of her!!!

she thinks she's so great

because according to her,

she looks great and

acts like she is better than anyone else

and also looks down on other people

because she thinks she's better than everyone..

she thinks she's always right about whatever.

she thinks she knows best..

i've warned her about things so many times

yet she doesn't listen and what i said did happen to her..

but she still doesnt listen..

and the people who are friends with her

dont know how disrespectful she is.

that's coz they dont live with her and

she doesnt treat them like how she me.

sure she can be real sweet and nice coz

she is kinda helpful.

but no one gets me.

[esp you, dee. i dont know why no one gets me]

yes.. why???

[dee, you're a great friend but i cant hang with you

without knowing you like intan. no one else in this

world hates her like i do. you just dont get it. but

you still are a great friend. i still dont know what

to do. maybe your friend firdaus is right. i dont

think im good enough to be your friend. :) ok?

maybe, im wrong about everything]

i wont forgive her for a long time

when i say she deserves everything

i gave her, she deserves the hatred

i feel now. she... she is a useless, spineless,

hopeless squid who has no right to make me feel like this!!!

i hate her. but... ergh there's no point feeling

for her anymore. she's never always nice to me!

2V'07 barbeque. heh heh

2008-12-14T04:56:00.004+08:00

13 nov 2008 was 2V'07

'reunion' [i guess] barbeque

haha.

i had a lot of fun being around

fun people :]

well,

but other than that i had a lot

of fun 'doing something else'

haha. i dont want to elab on that:]

coz i just want to keep it with me..

definately gona be in my diary though

at the bbq,

a lot of people came..

but definately not everybody..

had a lot of laughs with ranjanni

though i felt like a tinge of 'dont laugh btch'

feeling with the other [i guess, if not sorry (: ]

although it wasnt a party

it was still the bomb

haha.

before the bbq,

i had my class and after class,

my mother bought 'the dark knight' dvd

woohoo..

if there was a trilogy i'll buy them all :]

haha.

[i dont get why im ending almost all the paras with 'haha']

anyway,

so actually i got lots to blog abt the bbq [kinda]

but, hehe, i'm just too darn lazy =p

and!!!

JOHNNY PACAR IS HOT!!!

more hot guys... haha

2008-12-06T22:22:00.004+08:00

apparently,

it's not true..[my hypothesis about guys i like]

even though there was

a kind of trend,

it was different for the

current guy i like..

anyway..

i just listed another guy as being

seriously hot.. seriously..

haha..

and his name is.....

JOHNNY PACARARU!!!

hahahhaha...

hahahahahahaha....

hot stuff:]

DONT STEAL!!

heh heh..

i love him :]

he looks younger than jared :s

ok. maybe coz he is vegetarian :]

maybe i should too :]

eat only fish, eggs, milk, cheese

and anything else that's not meat..

I WILL RESIST!!!

heh heh

2008-11-22T23:01:00.001+08:00

haha.. i got post somewhere..

but.. i dont think it's in this comp im using now

...

haha..

it's about you too dee

hahaha..

hey=]

2008-11-13T14:21:00.002+08:00

i just remembered=]

the shirt that chester wore

during their consert for MtM

looked just like the one that

my sis has. red/maroon checkered=]

cool=] hehe..

i love LP!!

oh great

2008-11-13T13:56:00.007+08:00

twilight was ok
i love bats
i love chester bennington and LP
love vamps, werewolves and wolves as well.
tis used to be a long post
nw i shortened it :}

im not emo damn it

2008-10-13T14:14:00.004+08:00

im not emo[bitches]!!!!
i just like black[but i prefer blue, green and red(?)]
i love wolves, bats and snakes...
i do seem to always LOOK sad..
but im not..
just LONELY[DAMN IT]
so just gth, for those who think im emo...

im not sad anymore!
im pissed!
they caused it..
=P

once again

2008-10-12T22:36:00.003+08:00

my heart...
it broke again...
it's not black ice..
it's glass..
breakable by a strand of hair...

truly...
seriously...
secretly...
i wana tell him...
but... i cant bring myself
to do so....
she knows she's already
attached....
yet she does this to him...

no guy ever gives me a
chance to love them like
i really can...
they dont seem to care
or want to know...
idiots..
maybe i should be through
with guys..
except A..:)
now there's someone i
can love..

i cant really see her
being able to love as much
as i can and will...

but of course..
she's gorgeous ain it...
that's the reason..
stupid sister..
made me look like a FOOL!!
ergh! I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!
she caused all this!
now she's just shit to me
DAMN it.....

yeah, sure..
she's a whole lot prettier..
"hotter"
"sexier"
"beautiful-er"
than i will ever be...
huh..
rub it in then..
i dont care..
wait..
i do care..
it will hurt me even more..
she hurt me real bad..
she cut me deep man..
real deep..
which time will never heal..
i'll remember it..
i'll remember this forever...

ahhh...
im so hurt...
she always does stupid things...
i told her no..
i said NO..
but nooo, she took the comp and
put me on screen...
made me look like a fool..
now it's too late..
you cant change the past..
but you can shape the future..

but he wont change his mind..
he like the msn her..
he saw me at my worst..
and it's all nurul's fault..
it's all her fault..
stupid girl..
stupid stupid STUPID girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hate her...

and i dont believe you shorty..
sure..
think i didnt see you shake your head..
when your BESTEST friend said if
you were happy with the pairing...
whatever..

people,
i hold grudges..
i can hold them pretty long..
very long..
you make me very pissed..
there is a 0.000000000000001%
chance i will give you a chance..

i wana tell you im heart broken..
but i'll spoil everyone's mood...
i wouldn't want to do that to
people i don't know..
especially those i dont know yet..
don't want to give a bad
impression...

im really heart broken dude..
you cant see that...
i guess so...

ok..
i hope you saw that dude...
i wont tell her.. coz ...
i just wont.. she'll..
i dont know..
i just wont tell her...
but if she does see this..
then good for her..
alright..
i think that's all ive got to say..
if i do have more..
i'll write more...
all dedicated to you..
alright..

im truly heart broken...

guess what

2008-10-12T21:25:00.001+08:00

i just had my heart broken again

wait i change my mind

2008-10-12T20:48:00.003+08:00

i still love you
you're reachable
i still want you..
but i wont ask you....
i still care for you A...:)

every heart break

2008-10-12T19:57:00.002+08:00

EVERY HEART BREAK
MAKES MY HEART
GROW COLDER

NOW IT'S JUST BLACK ICE
SOLID BLACK ICE
AND AN ACT OF KINDNESS
OR AND ACT OF EVIL
FROM A GUY
WILL MELT
MY HEART AWAY..
GONE WITH THE WIND
FOREVER

HOWL TO THE MOON
LIKE THAT'S THE
ONLY REASON TO HOWL
BECAUSE IT IS
THE ONLY REASON TO HOWL
AS I SAT UP ON MY THRONE
ALL ALONE, NO MATE BY MY SIDE
I WATCHED AS A HUNTING PACK
STROLLS BY IN THE SHADOWS

IT PAINS ME TO WATCH YOU
WALK AWAY WITH ANOTHER
WE'VE ONLY KNOWN EACH OTHER
FOR A VERY SHORT TIME...
BUT I FEEL LIKE YOU ARE MEANT FOR ME
BUT I WAS TOO LATE..
LIKE I ALWAYS AM
WHEN I FEEL THE SAME TOWARDS ANOTHER

MY BARK IS WORSE THAN MY BITE...
PLEASE UNDERSTAND I HAVE A SHARP TONGUE
IT CANT BE STOPPED
IT'S STING IS MUCH MORE PAINFUL THAN A SCORPIONS'
AND IT'S IMPRESSION WILL NOT LAST LIKE
A FOOTSTEP BY THE BEACH AT HIGH TIDE
IM SO SORRY TO ALL THOSE I'VE OFFENDED
AS A CUB I'VE BEEN TOO PAMPERED

BUT JUST LIKE THE MALES I'VE MET
THEY'RE JUST LIKE
A FOOTSTEP AT HIGH TIDE

love hurts, but sometimes it's a good hurt.. haha

2008-10-12T15:49:00.004+08:00

i met this new guy..
my sis found him cute.. FIRST..
even though i kinda saw him first...
haha..
it's my own fault.=)
ok.. so here's what i wrote earlier today.. hehe

[god, he breaks my heart..[but in a good way]
Every time he smiles...
coz he's in california, maybe..
or the feeling of
im-sure-it's-hard-for-him-to-be-mine...
but sometimes the question could be
if I WANT HIM TO BE MINE...
wtheck...
of course i want him to be mine=]
[hah, i wish..(:]
haha...
his smile makes me melt:)
but he's on the other side of the world:(
if i stayed in america, i'd be closer to him
and my fav stars:)

[especially jared<3]
he does break my heart...
just thinking about him kinda hurt...
sometimes a lot..
love probably isn't there...
but i do really like him..
haha, coz he's cute and really hot...=]
he is breaking my heart....
ouch..
maybe i do love him..
but not as strongly as i want it to be...
he might just be another passing crush...
just like all the three guys...]

haha.. ok..
it does hurt...
real bad..
i could cry but...
i dont know what my sis will think...
i mean..
nevermind..
IF THE GUY ISN'T INTERESTED,
HE ISN'T INTERESTED....
YOU'RE NOT AS GOOD-LOOKING
AS YOU'RE SISTER..
I MEAN LOOK AT THE NUMBER OF
FRIENDS SHE HAS..
I MEAN LET'S NOT EVEN GO LOOK
AT THE NUMBER OF EXs SHE HAS...
JUST BY LOOKING AT THE NUMBER OF
GUY-FRIENDS SHE HAS...

I MEAN, YEAH..
*SIGHS*
WHATEVER WILL I DO......

dear you,

2008-10-12T15:45:00.002+08:00

sometimes i find it VERY hard to believe you...
but it's true..
it's not you...
it's me...
i do have trust issues...
believe it, it's true......

i guess it's hard to believe..
hah, i dont even trust myself to be good...
haha...
i love me..=]

hmm

2008-10-08T20:24:00.001+08:00

yes...
hmm...

the most great question right now...
did i write anything other than this today??
heeeh.. i duno:)

end's near

2008-10-08T12:15:00.003+08:00

~~english p1~~ [250908]
~~english p2~~ [250908]
ss [250908]
~~malay p1~~ [290908]
~~malay p2~~ [290908]
~~lit~~ [061008]
~~bio~~ [061008]
~~chem~~ [071008]
~~geog~~ [071008]
~~emath p2~~ [081008]
amath [091008]
emath p1 [101008]

hehe...
2 days left...
*SIGH* (:
*SIGH* (:
*SIGH* (:

ok...
it is starting to feel a lot better..

...

[heeh.. im watching tv... i'll be right back]
ok..
not much to say..
victoria beckham looks real young..
she's old right??

hah ok..
i wana go off..
play spore..
off

oooh...

2008-10-06T20:03:00.004+08:00

it is so crazy...
ahhh
shit la

~~english p1~~ [250908]
~~english p2~~ [250908]
ss [250908]
~~malay p1~~ [290908]
~~malay p2~~ [290908]
~~lit~~ [061008]
~~bio~~ [061008]
chem [071008]
geog [071008]
emath p2 [081008]
amath [091008]
emath p1 [101008]

that's the DANG arrangement..
first five were quite ok..
today and tomorrow DAMN killer...

esp tomorrrow..
i duno la..
lalalala..
DANG DAMN DARN SHIT
haiya...
save me god=)
i dont know what to do..
all teachers have high expectations..
i need to get A1 for both chem & geog..
must...
MUST...
really badly...

haiya
haiya
haiya...
*SIGH*
*SIGH*
*SIGH*
=]

today not much happened...
heard probably got 2V outing
some time..
if it does happen,
go or not :)
whatever...
[ya la.. lame]
go la..
got to read up on....
EVERYTHING!!
byebye:)

never again

2008-10-03T14:12:00.007+08:00

i don't wanna be emo anymore..
i bores me to the f****** core..=]
the songs i hear DOES NOT reflect who i am..
thank you=]

my parents got to enjoy the F1 buzz..
[so not fair coz they left me out! i didn't even
get to hear the roar=[... i hope i didn't miss out
too much.,]

hoohoo=]
heehee=]

[ok enough]
alright enough=]
what to do..
exams not over yet..
i think i'm screwed!
damn shitty screwed..

wanana[heehee wanana, hope you people know what it's supposed to mean]
know who i think it hot?
. jared padalecki [he's only 8 years older than me=)]
. ewan mcgregor [for an old guy.. he's over 30=( over 30 is old. for me i mean]
. johnny depp [also for an old guy, but he's DAMN awesome=)]
. brad pitt [he's a so-so.. he'll probably be off the list when i remember other hot guys]
. chester bennington [most AWESTRUCK rocker.. hot but he's married... twice]
. christian bale [he's difficulty of speaking properly is cute.. but his mouth isn't when he wear 'the mask']

. johnny pacar [he is totally on top of the list.. weird though, he's older than jared-dear, but he still is really hot!!]

i did not list accordingly..
just whoever i remember...
i'll add on to the list when i remember more=]

tag me..
tell me who you think is hot..
maybe we share the same 'hottie-interest'..
...whatever...
[yeah... 'hottie-interest'??? i find that wierd too]

haha

2008-08-20T17:42:00.002+08:00

AAAAAHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hehehe..
he so hot sial!!

trip to p. perhentian

2008-06-17T22:42:00.002+08:00

loved it so much..
didnt wanna leave..
place was great..
really fun there..
really didnt wana leave at all..

full story..
SOME OTHER TIME!!!!!!!
haha
ok..
[someone not happy comp still on]

nights

part 5 i wana go home! to the jungle! !

2008-06-11T18:17:00.004+08:00

im leaving on holiday tomorrow..
so if i dont finish the pahang story, i'll have tooooo
much to tell..

day five

ok, day five not much to tell here..
so it will be a short one..

all of us left the hotel lobby at and 2 am..
we went to the train station by bus
arrived there... not sooo sure..
so we had to wait for awhile..

the trains there are famous for arriving late..
late as in 2 hours late..
[*groan* i want to go home quick then they do this to me..]
so we waited there..
the stay-back guy was making a ruckus about
the sandwich he got..
i cant quite remember what sandwich he didnt want..
at first he was saying " who want ???? sandwich?
who want ???? sandwich?"
then he got fed up or something like that
and started saying "which m.f. want ????
sandwich? which m.f. want ???? sandwich?"

so ya.. ok..
okokokokokokokokok
ya i forgot what happened..
oh he got scolded by a teacher..
the guy fought back
say he only said m.f.
not the whole thing..
the teacher said
he understood the meaning
of m.f. so he still must stand up
and wait till the train came
while everyone sat down..
so he was like what the f***..
and continued asking people
if they want to exchange sandwiches..
saying m.f. softly..

a senior passed by
and heard of his "ordeal"
so she said why not..
everyone arnd him laughed..
everyone arnd him knew
what was going on
except her..
[she became the m.f. for a while=] ]
so that made the waiting not that bad..
i think..

luck was on our side.. we only waited for
1hr45min.....
ooookaayyy....
right..
i sat with ranjanni..
we were sitting like in the middle
so there was a table..
and on the other side of the table,
the other seats were facing our way..
and 'zuri'[i know his name isn't spelled this way]
and ali.. i had a lot of laughs sitting with them..
=].. he was sitting about 5 [ithink..]
chairs away from us.. haiz..

while everyone slept,
i was taking pics of the embarassing ones..
heehee..
but i deleted them of course..
so.. ya..
i was imagining me getting to lay beside him..
heehee...

in the morning..
as in like 8am..
im quite used to 6 hrs of sleep only
during the trip..
i bought some drinks and snacks..
he was having breakfast with friends....
we went back to our seats..

nothing much happened during the
rest of the trip to the immigration..
the second one, which is SG's..
we had to bring out our bags..
so that was dumb..
carrying our bags..
the guys took our seats..
ranjanni and i got no place..
pissed me like crap..
they sat there coz they wanted
the table to play cards..
=[.. =[ =[ =[ =[ =[ ! ! ! ! ! ! !

in the end i just sat next to some
guy i dont know...

then we got into SG
and my mum drove my and cass
to our respective homes=]

i took a shower..
it was the same length of time
before i went to pahang..

i felt like a diff person..
home almost felt ...
unknown to me...
different..
i dont really know..
but something in me felt different..

so there's part 5 for you..
yaaa ok..
=] =]

diverting away from the main issue

2008-06-04T16:29:00.003+08:00

i just feel like writing these down..

so if you think it's all a pile of crap,

why are you on this page then?!?!

plus i prefer no one to read this..

it's abt wolves ok..

[i also dont wan cass to read =] ]

im writing this coz i feel like it, ok..

take a bite at your neck

and rip off all the flesh

i have my muzzle on..

expose your dirty blood

and bloody throat..

blood on my muzzle..

lick my mouth..

my first prey since exile..

they can get rid of me..

i'll live

i can survive on my own

wolf without a pack is

either survivor or brute

females alone are much

more vicious then those

with pack..

cubs make she-wolves weak..

wolves are the real deal..

if i were ever friends with a real lonewolf..

that would be the start of the best days of my life..

if there really was such a thing like reincarnation,

i would love to be born into a tribe that lives like wolves..

like Torak =]..

i no longer feel like being human..

i want to be wolf..

werewolf would be better..

i want that kind of freedom..

away frm ******...

it's better for a person like me..

maybe i should start refering myself as wolf..

it may make me feel better...

long week last week [part 4] on the way back home

2008-04-30T22:34:00.006+08:00

ok im taking a long time just to write this crap..
i probably forgot a lot of things.. but i'll try my best..
so..

day four

pour pour pour..
4 am..
woke up by bustling noises of people awake..

it was raining..
spoilt the whole dry week..
alr i had.. den it had to rain making my mood
fall even lower..
[this is ugly coz i use my dad's apple]

some NA stay back guy, he was
nice enough to sacrifice himself
and save our clothes.. so nice of him..
*snore*

hah..
ok so i went back to sleep..
and woke up at 6 am..
aiz.. last day in the jungle..

how i'll miss the place..
pack... pack... ack.. pack..
["ack" was no accident ok..

dont ask..]

i was last.. arnd 0730hrs
i was ready.. whatever..
my bag fel heavier..

byebye Orang Asli..
i'll miss you..
all you cute malaysian african children
hah..

boat ride..
boring..
blah.
really no fun..

[i've experienced faster, bumpier rides]
except my boat people saw explorers..
a bit weird.. coz i thought orang asli
visit was only for hunters..
so what the heck with that..

waaaa! my food donated..
my polo..
longtime alr i didnt eat polo sweets..
my twisties oso..
all donated!!
so sad!!

but i bought the least so i did not

lose much.. hehe

but if they did ask for donation

i would donate cash and twisties

polo i keep!

ppl got scolded for buying soft drinks..
couldnt control themselves he said..
mr mubarak..

wah.. got drama...
i lost my stuff..
all i got back was..
my water-proof 'mares' bag..
[ima diver.. DUH i have one..]
not as in gone..
as in missing..
i went up to the resort we were at
but i couldnt find my bag anywhere..

a lot of people were nice enough
to be concerned..

even the guy who got in trouble for

having no self control....
but he didnt seem to care much..
i wonder if that was just a cover up thing..

it felt nice to be cared by people..
haiz..
but i still cant find my two bags..
my haversack and a plastic bag..

mr lu was very nice..
he found my haversack!!
woohoo..
at least my mega-torch was safe..
[that's a diver's torchlight too=]]

"sorry fatin.. we couldnt find it..
if anyone on the place seen it..
they will call mr sara.."
*sob sob* my new shoes were
inside the bag!!!
so we had to leave..
i was crying coz my parents would
scold me.. and coz i like the shoes..
got mee thru thick and thin..
and also the reason i realised
there was a leech biting me..

[ya.. you're the drama.. haha]

but hey!!!
my plastic bag with my shoes in it!!
haha..
the guys in front piled their bags over mine!
haha..
ok
no wonder no one saw..
but so what..
at least i got them back..

we were on the way to a place
where we were going to do our last activity..
4X4 wheel drive..
but sitting at passenger's seat was boring
like shit..
just got slapped by a few ferns..
crossed a river..
that was ok..
i could almost reach down and
touch the water..
[my dear was a car away from me.. haiz..]

at the waterfall..
the water was damn cold..
icy cold!!
but somehow i can withstand it..
cool=]
we stayed there for awhile..
practiced our cheer..
and took our leave..

i got to stand at the back now..
they let me..
tim, zainal, teri, oh and paul
zainal sat infront..
how nice..
being at the back was so much more fun..

bus ride to the hotel was very looong..
i fell asleep..
so tired..

reach hotel..
brought down bags..
to lobby..
nice and cold..
we had dinner..
wow!!
best food i tasted since the whole week!
i got changed..
felt so much cleaner..

=] =] =]

assembled at pool area..
last practice before cheer comp.
saw my guide..
he saw and smiled..
he's like big brother to me..
he was gettin his dinner..

everyone gathered at the lobby..

watched videos abt us..

[it was funny, some of them.. go visit RC'08]

ok..

all the teams did their cheers..

[i can say hunters are the best=] ]

then we were off to the train

station back to SG..

so thats the end of day four..

the next one will be very short coz

the day ended early..

so watch out for that one =] =]

byebye,

syazzy

long week last week[part 2]jungle

2008-03-22T22:03:00.005+08:00

so we have day two..

daytwo

we woke up at 6..
jes and sara, my group-and-tentmates,
woke me up with their talking..
heard my alarm ring so i woke up totally..

i got them to get ready without me..
leaving me enough space to taake my stuff out..

i left a bit later to wash my face and brush my teeth..
in the guys' toilet=]..
cicadas ok!!
peeing wasnt even safe anymore!!

i changed into long pants in the tent..
and got my things out so we can leave for the boat..

30-45mins ride.. it wasnt as much fun as i
thought it would be.. i had more fun rides then that one..
but i got quite wet.. that was annoying..

at the island..
[i realised i when entering the village, the village
looked different when leaving it..
i guess it really felt like home..]
it was hard going up onto the village, village hall??
something like that..
i thought we were already there..
BUT!!
up somemore.. ergh!

camp..
it was not a pretty clearing..
we had to clear the area ourselves..
my group had 2 parangs..
[you know, the knid where jungle explorers
use to clear a path..
in real life tthat's not actually necessary..]
we split up to look for things that will help
us with construction of our huts..
i helped cut rafia string for binding wood
together with my dad's knife..

it didnt turn out like i imagined..
but it was cosy enough to sleep on..
actually since i had no choice, it was cosy..

so the whole morning thru halfway afternoon..
all we did was prepare for our stay..
at around 4 all of us went to the village center
for a little fun activity.. BLOWPIPING!!

i cant really explain much here..
but after the test run, there was like prize-winning
like competition thing..

so we try aim for targets with tags of the food types
we can eat for the whole journey..

my group got 2 cans of curry chicken..
we ate them for tonight's night dinner
and tomorrow's dinner..
it made dinner taste a whole lot better..

Long week Last week[part 3] trekking and darts

2008-03-13T22:09:00.006+08:00

ya, so there's part two..

daythree
we woke up at arnd 6 or 6.30 am..
it almost seems as though i could
wake up at 4..
[we could actually wake up on our own]
at 8 am sharp we assembled to get ready for
TREKKING!

here was where we met our guide..
i spoke mainly malay to him..
{it was a bit hard since im not very good at it.. hehe=]}

he told us abt a lot of things..
abt 45 mins up the trail..
we all got tired.. [it was tiring, ok?]
he said, "it's not even been an hour
and you're already tired?!" [he said it in malay]
hah.. we're.. spoilt.. hehe...

so on the way up.. there really is
nothing much to say abt..
[just that most off us chewed tongkat ali(viagra) for strength]
so what's left to say is that at the top of the trek
was a spectacular view!
absolutly beautiful..[too bad no photos, coz handphone taken away]

10 mins later, we went back down,
but taking a detour to a mini waterfall nearby..
so it was a trek down..
[somehow it was much faster and easier]
our group took a much more fun route..
the guides[jackie and some other guy] just
prepared a new one for us to trek with..

the waterfall was cold!
[i was somehow able to withstand it]
we spent another 10 mins there..
i didnt bathe coz i didnt really wanted
to inconvience myself to go abt changing..

every group stayed for 10 mins..
[almost every activity where we can relax seem to only last 10mins]
so we left.. our guide seem to care more abt me
than anyone else.. [hehe, in a kind way, ok!]

so we got back.. did a few things..
[girls got a punishment.. something censored]
a few guys help make a bonfire
and the rest resumed with the 'daily routine'..
[of making dinner and such]
so at about 6[i think, it's been weeks when i wrote this part]
my group sat together and had dinner..
we thoroughly discussed what we were
going to do to entertain the Orang Asli..

Bonfire Time

so we kinda made up our mind..
it was the easiest to do anyway..
i consider it pretty lame, but who am i to say?!
did i contribute any ideas.. so whatever yea..
other groups gave modern performances..
i thought that is not such a good idea coz
would the children understand it anyway??

i mean the bonfire thing was to give them a fun show
and donate our extra rice and other leftover food to them..

ours was an animals runway show..
[well, that waas the initial idea.. guess it got kinda messy(;]
kinda hot near the flames, felt as though the hair on
my skin got burnt=]..
i was near there to avoid embarrassment. hehe

i was glad it actually ended.. woooohooh..
so when we got back i went straight to bed..
the day was extremely tiring..

this is the end of day three.. as you may have noticed..
this is part 3.. you may scream out where's part 2..

i kinda got mixed up with the days.. so day 3 had to come first=]

long week last week [part1] hunter rocks!

2008-03-13T17:04:00.006+08:00

woohoo!pahang camp rocks
that was the most enjoyable ride of my life.
hahaha!wooohooo.. ok.. now im bored..
all you kepo people will definately be jealous of the
adventure i went thru.
hahaha
[sorry people, something must have gotten into her head on the last day of camp,
coz she's been acting differently ever since she left the jungle]

day one
twas to be a long journey to pahang
[pls la syazzy.. dont be lame..]
hehe.. whatevr *****(she write smaller)
woke up at 4.45.. so sian..*yawns*
left for school at 5.45.. still so sianz..*yawn*
[my bag was the biggest and heaviest of all the students]

bus to malaysia.. read book a bit, sleep a bit
[i wanted to put two inverted commas on the last a bit put she stopped me]
transferred bus at malaysia customs..
blahblahblah....
[she say she's "too busy" you write everything down but i'll tell you..

after m'sia customs, it was another long trip with many stops for like
evry 3-6 hours.. the first stop was for lunch, we missed the breakfast stop.
then we stopped at a gas station, and at almost 4 or after 4, we went to another
gas station, petronas, and the whole of sec 3 or 15/16-year-olds wanted to buy
some stuff(this part is impt yall) tidbits probably for the rest of the trip..
maybe for the camp as well.. other fellow hunters probably bought
it for during the camp. we had no intentions of doing that..
we spent 45mins there coz everyone was kiasu abt buying their stuff..
then when our bus almost reach a resort we should go to before a boat trip to
one of the many orang asli village, we got into an accident.. didn't quite know
exactly what happened but i think the car was speeding at a bend and scratched our
bus.. the car was in very bad condition.. about 15 minutes later the 2 teachers on our bus
told us to get everything out of the bus and change to another one that was already
on its way. so when we finally arrived at the resort we missed our boat to the island..
but actually right according to the schedule, we were not late for anything..
our boat ride was on the next morning..]

ok now my turn.. you ah, make people strain their
eyes only.. haiz.. ya, now my turn..
the girls from my bus[hunter 3 & 4] didn't have to
pitch any tents, coz the guys from hunter 2 and 1
already pitched them for us.. maybe coz it was to late
and too dark for us to do anything.. so we just had to be
briefed about the next day's[and next post yall] activities..
so ya not much excitement here but you must remember
these points coz they'll be on the next few posts..

points to remember or look out for:

food bought at petronas

i think that's about what you should remember for this episode

and for the next 4 episodes/posts..=] so yup.. thats about it..

look you for the next few post aites!!

boring week

2007-12-23T22:47:00.000+08:00

im not sure what to write..

what had happened the whole of last week

coz i duno how to put in into words..

but to put it plainly,

i watched Alvin and The Chipmunks(quite funny actually)

Visited Children's Little Museum(nostagic maybe?)

ya that's abt it..

see cass, not much to write..

hehe, =]

byebye,

syazzy

(:

2007-12-03T12:32:00.000+08:00

HELLO
THIS IS CASS ONCE AGAIN HELPING THIS BOO BOO TO UPDATE HER BLOG
many stuffs happened after you cut your hair, fatin..
and you never blog about em.
like:
> CANOEING CHALET [many many MANY stuffs happened there]
> trainings
> UBIN RACE(: [just yesterday]

YEAH. GET THE IDEA, FATIN?
go update your blog yourself!

awesome week

2007-11-14T21:34:00.000+08:00

SUNDAY
11 nov 2007

Hehe =] Got my hair cut that day..
Trim.. Whatever...
Steamed and Trim..

Very funny..
my sis evil go take photo...

First was steaming my hair..
They go put like shower cap over my head
Then they 'blow in' the steam into the shower cap..
hehe
ya..

then that night
i took pic of it..
coz im damned satisfied
with my new hair..
my fav length and 'pattern'..

whatever

Then next exciting day..

Tuesday
13 nov 2007

hehe.. cass can guess

what happened..=] =]

morning
class chalet..

ok la..
fun..
but not fun..

left home at 12..
reach wssc 12.15
return library books..
then left for aranda..

sadly havent check in yet..
so me and cass walk about..
looking for the guys 'in charge'.. =]

when check in..
the first thing the guys did was
connect the xbox to the tv..
they brought their own there..

...

at almost 6, i wanted to play
a bit before i go..
ya den what happened..

"*my name*, after this?"
den what happen..
i never get..
sheesh...

evening

abt 7 pm

YAY!!!

went for concert hehe..
hahaha
cass jealous right...
hahaha

took pics of the place coz i had to wait
for 1 hour coz ppl
were still streaming
into the indoor stadium..
sheesh..
some ppl...

then!

they came out!!
OMG!!
their entrance was awesome!

my seat was at the east side..

more known as the band's entrance and exit side..

hehe =] =] =]

wow..

if i dint tape 98% of the concert abt
68kb the size,
i would post it up here..
also coz my hp megapix
terrible.. so hard to see much=]

wow..

the whole thing was awesome!
if you saw it, i tell you if you standing
oso, it is worth every cent paid for!
omfg!
it was damn cool..
*pity cass*
hehe=] =] =]

didnt get chester's signature..
but still..
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh......

he so hot=] =] =]
oh..
and mike got hair =] =] =]

im impressed..
so very impressed..

when the cd on the live
concert come out
i'll buy=]

wow...

i really duno what else to say...

Wednesday morning
14 nov 2007

today not much happened..
this part not that interesting
if you dont care abt my cat..

for cass mostly...

today morning
my youngest sis took pic of
maria...
not that nice...

i took over
and took pic of her...
then at one shot..
she posed..
she really did..

at first she was like
"i wana sleep"
then
"ok la.. aft this leave me be, ok?"
haha
she really at first close her eyes..
when she realise i was
abt to tske a pic of her,

she open her eyes..
until i moved the phone
away from her,
she close her eyes=] =] =]

you belive me now???
hehe

so cool..

i got to end her now...
before my mother scold...

byebye,
syazzy

p.s. If my com didnt give me problems,
i would have put some pics here....

Really?

2007-09-12T20:59:00.000+08:00

My life = confusing

Sheesh..
I wanna write everything here
coz this is like the only real diary i kept
myself with..

If not i would have lost this too
if it was a notebook..

Oh god,
i just remember what i was
supposed to do..

Crap gtg..
maybe i'll continue later..
i'm not as diligent as cass
when it comes to...
everything..

haish..
im going now..
byebye=(][)??
happy? sad? duhnoe..

2007-08-29T21:29:00.003+08:00

lalala
this is cass once more helping fatin to update
after 2 weeks......
ok done(:
BYEBYE

aaargh! some friend you were..

2007-08-13T18:38:00.001+08:00

i hate her!
so very much!
she HAD to lie!
and pretend!
at least i got my sister to
tell me abt her little secret..

so you tell her EVERYTHING!
be lah, her very best friend like we were
but i DONT ever want to hear abt it

you HAD to get some friend of yours
to ask me some ridiculous question abt
being les friends!

you told intan, you were written all
over that STUPID plan..
but didn't tell me..
why afraid to lose me again??

well too bad!
i was told,
then the next night,
you had to write on msn
something like
"i can't stand you, Tin"
ergh, whatever..
Oh please!
if you couldnt stand me,
SIT DOWN
and not tell that to me..

you wanted us as friends,
but you crushed it
yourself..

but im not the type,
to hold grudges,
i dont hate "her" so much
i dont mind if me and "her"
were friends again..

but i would think twice
or thrice or even ten times before
re-befriending you..

i've hurt you before,
but i've said sorry
a few months ago,
you forget right??

whatever la sia..
i'll forget abt it,
maybe not soon
but i will..
coz i want and i will
move on..

i wont forget 6D
but you,
maybe i will..
we might be friends one day
but it's never gonna be up to..
me..

out,
syazzy

woohoo!

2007-08-12T17:52:00.000+08:00

computers
computers
computers
computers
computers

addicted to it!
aargh
cant even concentrate on
school work..
haish..

why i cant live WITHOUT my com?

2007-08-09T21:26:00.000+08:00

=]
Hello you!
what are you doing?
reading my blog?
hehe

without my com
i cant
~ chat with friends overseas.. like mira(i really miss you!)
~ play games.. hehe
~ visit websites, like yahoo, kids central website, game websites
~ be a whole different person when i want to hehe

aiyo..
got loads more
but cant think on the spot..

slow la my brain today..
hehe..
=]
syazzysyazzysyazzy

4 day vacation to..

2007-08-09T21:23:00.000+08:00

NOWHERE!!
haha
stay at home play com..
hehe
den do what?

boring sia
homework..
yahoo games
oso not so fun..
haish..
still..
at least got stuff to do..

hehe
=]
byebye,
syazzysyazzysyazzy

2007-07-29T21:06:00.000+08:00

recently my english teacher
gave my class an assignment
with the topic
"confessions of a teenager"
i got so much to write
and now im feeling depressed
coz i remember all the bad things
I have done..
That's no fun
at all..

Oh well,
at least i'll get more points
i think..
maybe i'll do well for this essay..

im sooo weird..
hehe

syazzy=]

cool huh :)

2007-07-29T20:40:00.000+08:00

HI!! THIS IS ~~FATIN~~ CASS((:
really!!
I ~~HACKED~~
managed to get into fatin's blog :D
SO I CAN REVIVE IT (:
SEE, FATIN, I TOLD U I WILL DO IT.
HAHAHAHAAH
I WILL TRY TO UPDATE FOR HER
IM SUCH A GOOD FRIEND RIGHT?
HAHA. YES I KNOW..
THANK YOU, THANKYOU :D
hah. im shameless...
NOT (:
ok. thats all for today(:
BYEBYE

What?!

2007-07-14T19:54:00.000+08:00

heys,

cass wanted me to write sumthing..

So..

HERE IT IS!!
i wrote sumthing alr!
ahahahahahahahahaha!!

Byebye
people..=]

love

2007-05-12T14:07:00.001+08:00

heys,

I cant believe myself.. im actually liking him??
it cant be right?? no it cant..
but it's a strong feeling..

i think i really really like him..
if i told anyone who it is..
they'll make me a laughing stock..
CONFIRM..

Haish..

i like him a lot..
everyday he's in my head..
i dreamt abt him at least twice..

a lot..
a lot..
a lot..
a lot..
but he cant noe..
i'm very sure he'll ignore
me even more..
he'll treat me differently
than he already is treating me..

but i think he has liked
me before, coz at this one place
[can say coz sum will noe hu it is]
a grp playd this game.. one asked.....

of god..
if i said.. she'll gossip abt it..

i want him to noe..
he sounded hurt when a friend said
i agreed to whatever that was asked..
i hope what i felt abt that is true..

i am going to tell him,
maybe not..
i would prefer him say to me first,
so i know!

Boredom sets in AGAIN!!

2007-04-24T18:49:00.000+08:00

watching spongebob is fun.. but im still bored.. haiz..

but i noe i shouldnt be on this coz i got exams coming up..

but i distract myself.. and i fall into it too easily..
it's almost like i let myself fall into the pit of failure!!

ERGH!!

what's wrong with me?!

why, why, why??!!?!

tired now..

stress, stress, stress all my work!!

GTG,
stupidSYAZZYsostupid..

haizz..
hate me..
hate you more..

I like this a lot!! It's so cool..

2007-04-24T18:36:00.000+08:00

This is what I found and it's soo cool!!
I'm to lazy to edit the other paras, so yeah..
im a naturalist.. what do u expect?!

Ancient Rainforest Revealed in Coal Mine

Scientists exploring a mine have uncovered a natural Sistine chapel showing not religious paintings, but incredibly well preserved images of sprawling tree trunks and fallen leaves that once breathed life into an ancient rainforest. Replete with a diverse mix of extinct plants, the 300-million-year-old fossilized forest is revealing clues about the ecology of Earth’s first rainforests. The discovery and details of the forest are published in the May issue of the journal Geology.

“We’re looking at one instance in time over a large area. It’s literally a snapshot in time of a multiple square mile area,” said study team member Scott Elrick of the Illinois State Geological Survey (ISGS).

Forest find

Over millions of years as sediments and plant material pile up, layer upon layer, the resulting bands become time indicators with the newest, youngest layer on the top and the oldest layer at the bottom. Typically geologists peel away a vertical slice of rocky material to look at material, including fossils, over a period of time. A coal mine offers a unique view of the past. Instead of a time sequence, illuminated in the layer upon layer of sediments, the roof of an underground mine reveals a large area within one of those sediment layers, or time periods. Miners in Illinois are used to seeing a few plant fossils strewn along a mine’s ceiling, but as they burrowed farther into this one, the sheer density and area covered by such fossils struck them as phenomenal, Elrick said.

That’s when they called paleobotanist Howard Falcon-Lang from the University of Bristol in the United Kingdom and William DiMichele, a curator of fossil plants at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History. "It was an amazing experience. We drove down the mine in an armored vehicle, until we were a hundred meters below the surface,” Falcon-Lang said. “The fossil forest was rooted on top of the coal seam, so where the coal had been mined away the fossilized forest was visible in the ceiling of the mine.”

Forest snapshot

Here’s what the miners and other scientists saw underground: Relatively narrow passageways wind through the “cave,” marked off with stout 100-foot-wide pillars to ensure the roof doesn’t collapse. “It’s like in some bizarre Roman temple with tons of Corinthian pillars that are 100 feet across and only six feet tall,” Elrick told LiveScience. “As you’re walking down these passageways you see these pillars of coal on either side of you and above you—imagine an artist’s canvas painted a flat grey and that is sort of what the grey shale above the coal looks like.”

The largest ever found, the fossil forest covers an area of about 40 square miles, or nearly the size of San Francisco. This ancient assemblage of flora is thought to be one of the first rainforests on Earth, emerging during the Upper Carboniferous, or Pennsylvanian, time period that extended from about 310 million to 290 million years ago. A reconstruction of the ancient forest showed that like today’s rainforests, it had a layered structure with a mix of plants now extinct: Abundant club mosses stood more than 130-feet high, towering over a sub-canopy of tree ferns and an assortment of shrubs and tree-sized horsetails that looked like giant asparagus.

Flash freeze

The scientists think a major earthquake about 300 million years ago caused the region to drop below sea level where it was buried in mud. They estimate that within a period of months the forest was buried, preserving it “forever.” “Some of these tree stumps have been covered geologically speaking in a flash,” Elrick said.Because the spatial layout of the forest has been maintained, the scientists can learn about entire plant communities, not just individual plants.

"This spectacular discovery allows us to track how the species make-up of the forest changed across the landscape, and how that species make-up is affected by subtle differences in the local environment," Falcon-Lang said.

The fossil forest extends along the ceiling of two adjacent mines, the Riola mine and the Vermillion Grove mine, which are located in Vermillion County, just south of Danville, Ill.

I like !!!!

2007-04-02T20:11:00.000+08:00

Night Hey..
I read this story.. So sweet sia.. Got dis one guy, very badbad one.. he like this girl hu is very sad coz parents split den none take her.. she live with her uncle, support her all da way but she not happy enough.. riz, the guy hu like her.. like her like hell.. den everytime the girl go library, he go oso but sit farfar.. he secretly pass motivation to her thru letters when he go library see her.. he like her oso because she pretty, sad and pretty.. hehe..

wait.. i forgot..
hehe..
tell u ppl later la..
wanna do homework..
anyways, the stroy damn nice..
i wanna go read again..
and do my work..
sis wanna use com..

GTG.. byebye..

Syazzy Me..

Boring day.. time for F-U-N!! hehe

2007-04-01T16:06:00.000+08:00

i love you
you love me
we are happy family
with a great big hug and kiss from me to you
won't u say u love me tooooooooo
TOOOOOOT!

2007-03-27T21:02:00.000+08:00

Another uneventful day.. or ami just keeping sumting frm u..

hmm.. haha..
i not saying anything..

or am i??
is it really uneventful??
I dunno..
Or issit??

Noe wat..
i can go on like this forever..
Since i lazy to continue, imagine it continue something like this,
..another uneventful day, or am i keeping sumting frm u??..

ok?? so i go now.. and u continue to IMAGINE!!
hehe..

Byez,
missSYAZZY

My crush.. haha!

2007-03-26T16:34:00.000+08:00

AAAHH!!

Love him loads!!

Hot stuff!!

Too much!!

Ergh, jared is too hot man!!

JARED!! sam from supernatural..

i want to see more of him and his innocent face!!

My Jared..

I love Jared!!

HAHA..

really..

he me crush..

opps, did i just say that??

haha..

oh well..

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I want jared.. i want him more than, *ahem*..
hehe..

Jared, i love you!!
missSYAZZY

What tuh say?!

2007-03-17T14:31:00.000+08:00

i duno.. haha.. i got not much tuh speak abt today.. duno why.. mayb my brain so clouded i cant see anything.. i guess if i think abt something real hard mayb i might have something..
*think*
*think harder*
*thinking as hard as i can*
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Nope.. nth.. it is too clouded..
..SICK TODAY.. ergh..

What Romance mean to me part 2, first date..

2007-03-16T16:52:00.000+08:00

Never had a first date, hah! so why do i post this.. Obviously, i want my first date to be perfect..

My 5 "rules"..

It has to be romantic..
I dun really like it at a restaurant..
Food must be good..
If i wan to leave, let me leave..
It has to be slow but not so slow..

So, i think that's quite simple.. Oh, and the guy has to restrain the "touching of the girl", unless u sense she-wants-it kinda thing..

Actually for this one, i had not much thought about it.. so it's short and "simple".. I actually find it quite lame coz, haha, i may or will get nervous at first dates..

No to drinking cold water while eating..

2007-03-16T16:49:00.000+08:00

Heart Attacks and drinking warm water....
This is a very good article.
Not only about the warm water after your meal, but about heart attacks.
This makes sense.. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals...
not cold water...
maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating!!!
Nothing to lose, everything to gain...
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the coldwater will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion.
Once this "sludge" reacts with the acid, it willbreak down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food.
It will line the intestine.Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer.
It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
A serious note about heart attacks:
You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting.
Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.
You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.
60% ofpeople who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up.
Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware.
The more we know the better chance we could survive...

Part 1 on romancing: how to kiss..

2007-03-08T17:24:00.000+08:00

Evening Hey,
I hav been thinking abt this just today.. how a guy can be romantic to me.. haha.. strange topic but it was a pop-up in my mind and i couldnt stop think abt it..
I keep thinking how nice it would be if a guy could kiss me PROPERLY.. lame topic but i keep think abt it when i dun write it here!! just u let u noe, i prefer guys who are taller than me..Sorry but i had to put it in parts..

A guy should give me a surprise kiss on the lips when we are at a corner or when no one was looking.. A light one.. if i was surprise-happy, i would release whatever i was holding in my hand.. the guy should kiss me for only 10-20 secs(and with his eyes closed) or until i push the guy away.. if i was surprise-unhappy den i would push the guy straight away, either i dunt like how he did it or i dun like the guy.. he should not ask why but just like stand beside me, talk and pretend like nothing had happened.. if i didnt mind it act the same way.. the guy can do dis only if he really loved me.. so kissing is the fisrt thing the guy should do to the my love-attention.. for dates, he shouldnt do it for every date coz it wouldnt surprise me.. it should be only to surprise me..

if i had missed some points, tell me.. i will put it up asap coz.. well i've gt ideas that i DONT have to share with you..
So here ends part 1 of my romance.. thinking.. so i'll put up more abt dis soon..
so.. thx fer reading..

Loving life as always,
~=SyAzZy=~
Cool Blue

Begining of what me is..

2007-03-07T19:17:00.000+08:00

Evening HEY!!
Whuzzpz world, my first post.. my first real blog.. *gung* hehe..
Loving it.. Gt loads to write!! hah!
Ok so here ends my first, EVER bloggie.. Real one..
Signing out,
SyAzZy=]